Session 13 Comedic, frenetic heist that kept working despite nearly every stealth roll failing

Narrative Recap

The session opened with Ledger the badger delivering the cold-open recap straight to camera, narrating the party's split situation with wry precision and adding two things he had told nobody: right about where Pickles quit moving, his own nose quit too — the water down there smells like nothing, and for an animal like him nothing is the loudest smell there is — and that something big and sad was asleep standing up in the paddock with him, and something warm that 'ain't been born yet' was in there too, and he was the only one who knew it. Faith immediately corrected one detail of Ledger's account: Vaela had not gone inside to the cot at all. She asked the mill hands to let her sleep in the paddock with Ledger, and they allowed it — one guard stayed posted at the paddock and resealed the gate — after telling her the other animals were 'just a few of the foreman's pets.' She tucked a stuffed animal from her bag beside Ledger ('This is me. Remember me while you sleep'; he accepted it with a very odd look) and settled in beside him.

The rescue of Tam Brannick went sideways at once. Sanji's stealth was a 9 and Tam's a natural 1: his legs had gone to sleep from being bound, they buckled, Sanji's hooves clattered trying to hold him up, and he hit the ground shouting 'Pins and needles!' Both dock guards turned and saw them — then hesitated and argued with each other, and Sanji used the surprise round to scoop Tam up in her arms and sprint into the woods. It was the paddock guard who actually raised the alarm: he spotted 'a goat lady carrying a dude' across the far side of the paddock and shouted. Initiative went Sanji 24, Wickett 14, Skrit 12, Vaela 7. Out in the trees, Skrit had repositioned stealthily to the edge of the building and was cooking up a plan to lure the paddock guard into the woods and a hunting trap (never set), when Gorlog crashed through the underbrush on a stealth roll of 5 and drew the guard straight onto both of them. Rather than run, Skrit stepped out of the bushes with his pot lid and meat tenderizer, spent his Channel Divinity for +5 to persuasion for the next ten minutes, walked calmly up to the man and announced, 'We have you surrounded. Surrender immediately or pay the price' — a 26 on straight persuasion. Having just watched a goat woman carry a grown man past, heard movement in every direction, and now facing a cloaked kobold with kitchenware, the guard believed every word. Wickett, meanwhile, had been spotted sneaking up to the side of the barn but got up the wall anyway on his climbing speed, crossed the roof without a sound, and found only pinholes in the cheap corrugated roof to look through. Later he tossed a handful of ball bearings across the far side of the roof — a clatter that 'sounded shockingly like people on a roof' — and, under that noise, crowbarred a viewing hole into the metal (stealth 27). From there he saw no other animals inside: a working dockside warehouse, incoming and outgoing pallets, and outgoing barrels stamped with the antlers-and-tally brand.

The bluff snowballed. The weatherbeaten woman in charge stepped back out of the warehouse side door with a guard — the DM could not remember whether he had named her last session and said 'for sake of argument, we're going to call her Bertha' (she is the same woman recorded as Sela in Session 12). The frightened paddock guard told her they were surrounded, 'there are dozens of them,' and another reported, 'Miss Bertha, ma'am? The prisoner's gone.' She asked Skrit his business; he told her the party had come to free every one of her prisoners and shut the place down — persuasion again, 'close, shockingly.' Gorlog stood with his arms crossed holding a cast-iron skillet and a soup ladle and said 'yeah' aggressively enough to count as intimidation. One of her guards quietly slunk back around the corner; she clocked immediately that her backup had vanished, muttered 'I don't get paid enough for this shit,' and walked back into the warehouse with her bodyguard. Skrit chased her to the door — 'That's not how surrendering works. Get back out here!' — while Gorlog's second intimidation (a 19, with advantage) broke the lone remaining guard, who stripped off his weapons and hunted for something white to wave, ending up sockless and shoeless on one foot. In the woods, Tam suggested that he and Sanji swap who carried whom to cover more ground; the relay 'worked shockingly well,' and they made the tree edge unseen on a stealth 21.

Inside the warehouse, Skrit walked in on three guards being shaken awake at the far end plus the two who had slipped in. His first persuasion was a natural 1 (a 12 with bonuses), but the DM granted advantage because of Wickett's roof noise and the reroll came up 23: the guard who had backed out first walked up and set down his only weapon, a mallet 'like you might use for driving old tent stakes,' and the weapons pile began. The sock-and-shoe guard wandered in asking whether the surrendering was supposed to happen in here. Gorlog walked in and stared them down. Then Sanji appeared behind the sockless guard shouting 'Yes, surrender!' — her sudden appearance as yet another member of the 'veritable army outside' gave Skrit +4 to persuasion for the duration of his Channel Divinity (Kyle: 'that means I have a plus 15 to my persuasion rolls right now') — and Tam materialized over her shoulder with a very soldierly 'Yeah, what she said.' Bertha ordered every guard inside to disarm, and they did. Skrit produced his one set of manacles, told the crew to bind each other with the warehouse rope, and rolled a natural 20 for a 35: the entire crew set about tying each other up, and Bertha held out her wrists for 'the manacles of shame.' As that landed, an unarmed man walked up from the back corner of the warehouse. The DM called it 'one of the weirdest interactions I've ever run.' Skrit, giddy, called his own party 'minions,' caught himself, and apologized profusely; Kyle noted out of character that Skrit has no key to those manacles, 'a problem later when we get them back to town' — his stated plan for the prisoners is to turn them over to the authorities in town.

Identifying Kreel took intimidation. When Wickett called down through his roof hole, 'Which one of you is Kreel?', everyone stared straight ahead. Sanji got in one bound guard's face — 'Who's Kreel?' — and on a 21 he wet himself and pointed to the far end of the line: 'He is. That's him. It's not me. It's the other guy.' Skrit's insight read him as completely truthful; the man at the end said only, 'No, you shouldn't get him,' and Wickett's insight found that unconvincing. The DM never said the name himself. Wickett climbed down via the mill wheel and came inside, the prisoners were lined against the wall with their weapons shoved aside, and Kreel was pulled out to watch while Gorlog took Wickett's crowbar to an outgoing barrel bearing the antlers-and-tally stamp. Inside was the pungent, faintly chemical, translucent, shimmery liquid the party had found in barrels after their first encounter with the plesiosaur — they still do not know what it is or does. Wickett dipped a pinky in it and held it to Kreel's face; Kreel did not react strongly, only that he did not want it. 'I'm only in charge of the outside of the crates. Never in charge of what's inside the crates,' he said. The barrels 'all go to different places'; he had no bill of lading — 'This is supply. We wait till a ship or a raft shows up that needs this particular piece of our inventory, and we load it up… We're just running a warehouse.' When the table pressed him on whose antler-and-tally brand it was (and asked openly whether it had ever been confirmed as the Vance brand), he would not name anyone: he looked them dead in the eye and said, 'You already know who they belong to.'

Vaela, meanwhile, had spent the whole commotion in 'full recon mode' in the paddock — mask over her freckled embers, dark clothes, her bedroll stuffed with hay as a decoy body, the posted guard hopelessly distracted by the chaos outside. She freed two rope-collared river otters (bribed with fish pickles, collars untied, shooed off — 'they run off'), nine cormorants in a tall cage with cords tied around their throats (one on the first round, the other eight on the next — 'she did grow up on the river, she would know knots'), and a chained brown bear, dead in the middle of fat bear week and 'chunky,' who accepted a salmon pickle and let her undo the clasp on a sleight of hand 15 before taking off into the woods. In the last run she found a nailed-shut, air-holed shipping crate under a tarp, stamped 'RS, Upriver, EV' and, in big letters, 'HANDLE WARM.' She pried it open with her dagger (a 17 on strength, at disadvantage): packed nearly to the top in the softest wool lay a leathery, warm egg the size of a beer keg, shifting slightly as if on its own. Bobby asked if it was a dragon egg; the DM did not say. 'Ledger, come here!' — and when the badger arrived she had him haul the whole crate out of the paddock, egg still inside ('I'm gonna be its mother'). With initiative over, she asked whether there were any more animals — no — and told the DM she and Ledger were grabbing their things and setting the stables on fire 'so they can't use anything anymore.' 'She's seen lots of animals tied up. She is not happy with anything.' A Sorcerous Burst of fire into the hay did it. The session ended on the DM's closing image: as the paddock, stables, and hay supply go up in flames, Vaela comes storming into the warehouse, hair blazing, one of the cormorants' throat cords in her hand, demanding 'Where is he?' — 'I did not expect you to torch the place.' No Ledger outro this time: 'I gotta figure out what just happened.'

Player Decisions

Vaela Faith

Asked to sleep in the paddock beside Ledger instead of taking the cot in the office, then used the cover to reconnoitre the pens

Faith corrected Ledger's recap: Vaela had not gone inside yet. The mill hands let her stay out with the animals, one guard remained posted and resealed the gate; she covered her glowing embers with a mask, dressed dark, and stuffed her bedroll with hay as a decoy

Consequence

With the guard distracted by the standoff outside, she moved freely through the runs and freed every animal, and found the egg crate

Sanji Kait

When Tam collapsed shouting 'pins and needles' and both dock guards turned, grabbed him and ran for the woods instead of fighting or hiding

Sanji's stealth was 9, Tam's a natural 1; the dock guards saw them but hesitated and argued, giving her a surprise round

Consequence

She carried Tam clear, but the paddock guard spotted 'a goat lady carrying a dude' and shouted the alarm that started initiative

Skrit Kyle

Stepped out of the bushes with a pot lid and meat tenderizer, spent Channel Divinity (+5 persuasion for ten minutes), and told the paddock guard 'We have you surrounded. Surrender immediately or pay the price'

Gorlog's stealth 5 had drawn the guard onto both of them; Skrit chose to lean into the confusion rather than retreat

Consequence

A 26 on straight persuasion; the guard believed it completely and reported 'dozens of them' to Bertha, setting up the whole surrender

Gorlog Bobby

Backed Skrit's bluff with silent menace — arms crossed, skillet and soup ladle in hand, an aggressive 'yeah' — then a one-step 'boom' at the last scared guard

Gorlog had blown his own stealth (a 5) crashing through the underbrush

Consequence

The second intimidation (19, with advantage) broke the guard, who stripped his weapons and waved a sock as a white flag; Gorlog later opened the branded barrel with Wickett's crowbar

Wickett Carson

Climbed to the roof, tossed ball bearings across it as cover noise to sell the 'surrounded' story, and crowbarred a viewing hole into the metal

Spotted approaching the wall but up it on his climbing speed; only pinholes to see through until he made his own hole

Consequence

Stealth 27; the clatter 'sounded shockingly like people on a roof,' earned Skrit advantage on his warehouse persuasion, and Wickett saw the branded outgoing barrels and confirmed no animals inside

Skrit Kyle

Produced his only set of manacles, told the surrendered crew to bind each other with the warehouse rope, and manacled Bertha himself; stated the plan is to turn them over to the authorities in town

After a natural-1 persuasion rerolled to 23 (advantage from the roof noise), Sanji's appearance (+4) and Tam's backing, and Bertha's order to disarm

Consequence

Natural 20 for a 35: the whole crew tied each other up and Bertha held out her wrists. Kyle noted out of character that Skrit has no key — 'a problem later when we get them back to town'

Sanji Kait

Got in a bound guard's face and demanded 'Who's Kreel?'

Everyone had stared straight ahead when Wickett shouted the question from the roof; only Wickett had reason to know Kreel was the head man

Consequence

Intimidation 21: the guard wet himself and pointed out the man at the end of the line, which Skrit's insight read as truthful — Kreel identified

Wickett Carson

Had Gorlog open a branded outgoing barrel, dipped a pinky in the liquid and held it to Kreel's face

Wickett recognised the antlers-and-tally stamp from the roof; the DM connected the contents to the barrels found after the first plesiosaur encounter

Consequence

Kreel barely reacted and disclaimed knowledge of the contents; the party still does not know what the liquid is or does

Vaela Faith

Pried open the 'HANDLE WARM' crate with her dagger, then had Ledger haul the crate out of the paddock with the egg still inside

Strength 17 at disadvantage on the nailed lid; she wanted the egg but chose not to take it out of its wool packing

Consequence

The party now has a beer-keg-sized, warm, shifting egg of unknown species in a crate marked 'RS, Upriver, EV'

Vaela Faith

After confirming no animals remained, set the stables and hay alight with a Sorcerous Burst of fire 'so they can't use anything anymore,' then stormed into the warehouse

'She's seen lots of animals tied up. She is not happy with anything.' Out of initiative; the DM warned it would draw a lot of attention

Consequence

Paddock, stables, and hay supply in flames; she entered the warehouse hair blazing, a cormorant's throat cord in hand, demanding 'Where is he?' — the DM ended the session there

Memorable Quotes

Ledger (DM voice): 'Right about where she quit moving, my nose quit too. Water down there smells like nothing. For an animal like me, nothing's the loudest smell there is.'
Skrit: 'We have you surrounded. Surrender immediately or pay the price.'
Skrit: 'That's not how surrendering works. Get back out here!'
Bertha (DM voice): 'I don't get paid enough for this shit.'
Tam Brannick (DM voice): 'Yeah, what she said.'
Kreel (DM voice): 'I'm only in charge of the outside of the crates. Never in charge of what's inside the crates.'
Kreel (DM voice): 'You already know who they belong to.'
Vaela: 'Ledger and I are grabbing our stuff and we're setting it so they can't use anything anymore.'

Cliffhangers

  • The paddock, stables, and hay supply are in flames and Vaela has just stormed into the warehouse, hair blazing, cormorant cord in hand, demanding 'Where is he?' — the DM ended the session mid-entrance and skipped the outro voiceover ('I gotta figure out what just happened')
  • A leathery, warm, shifting egg the size of a beer keg sits in a crate marked 'RS, Upriver, EV — HANDLE WARM' in the party's possession; species and recipient unknown
  • The man identified as Kreel is bound but refused to name whose antlers-and-tally brand is on the barrels: 'You already know who they belong to.' The DM never confirmed his name aloud
  • A dozen-plus prisoners are tied up in a warehouse next to a spreading fire; Skrit means to hand them to the authorities in town and has no key to Bertha's manacles
  • Ledger's nose went dead at the same spot where Pickles stopped — the water there 'smells like nothing'

Plot Threads This Session

resolved The Missing Toll House Guard

Corporal Tam Brannick is free and with the party. Sanji led him off the dock; his bound-numb legs collapsed him shouting 'pins and needles,' the dock guards gawked and argued, and Sanji carried him into the woods during the surprise round. The two relay-carried each other back to the tree edge unseen, and Tam backed Skrit's surrender demand inside ('Yeah, what she said'). He has not yet been returned to Thornwall Fords.

advanced Animals held at the mill

The guards described the paddock's occupants as 'a few of the foreman's pets.' While the standoff raged outside, Vaela freed two rope-collared river otters (fish pickles), nine cormorants with cords around their throats, and a chained brown bear (salmon pickle, sleight of hand 15), all of which ran off. In the last run she found the nailed-shut 'RS, Upriver, EV — HANDLE WARM' crate holding a beer-keg-sized egg, and had Ledger haul it out with the egg still inside. She then burned the paddock, stables, and hay supply 'so they can't use anything anymore.'

advanced Kreel — the mill foreman

Kreel was captured with his crew, though the DM never spoke his name: an unarmed man walked up from the back of the warehouse as the crew surrendered, a terrified guard under Sanji's intimidation pointed him out ('He is. That's him. It's not me'), Skrit read the guard as truthful, and the man's only protest was 'No, you shouldn't get him.' Questioned over an opened branded barrel, he claimed to handle 'only the outside of the crates,' described the mill as a supply warehouse loading rafts against a bill of materials, and refused to say whose antlers-and-tally brand it is: 'You already know who they belong to.' Bound at session end.

advanced Vance Network River Attack

The mill warehouse is a distribution point: outgoing barrels stamped with the antlers-and-tally brand contain the same pungent, translucent, shimmery liquid the party found in barrels after the first plesiosaur encounter (still unidentified). Kreel says rafts and ships arrive with a bill of materials and are loaded; he would not confirm whose brand it is, and the table noted the brand has never been formally confirmed as Vance's. The mill's entire crew surrendered without a blow and is bound in the warehouse; Skrit intends to hand them to the authorities in town. Skrit's in-character claim that this crew burned half of Thornwall Fords was challenged by the DM as inference.

advanced The Starwater Plesiosaur Blockade

Ledger revealed in the cold open that at the same point where Pickles stopped moving, his own nose went dead — the water there smells like nothing, 'the loudest smell there is' for an animal — and that he had not told anyone before. Pickles did not reappear this session.

opened The 'Handle Warm' Egg Crate

In the last paddock run Vaela found a nailed-shut, air-holed shipping crate under a tarp, stamped 'RS, Upriver, EV' and in big letters 'HANDLE WARM.' Pried open with her dagger, it was packed nearly to the top in the softest wool around a leathery, warm egg the size of a beer keg, shifting slightly as if on its own. Its species is unknown (Bobby asked if it was a dragon egg; the DM did not say); 'RS,' 'EV,' and the upriver destination are unexplained. Ledger hauled the crate out of the paddock with the egg still inside at Vaela's instruction ('I'm gonna be its mother'); it is in the party's possession as the paddock burns.